Mix Matched Dishes...

As I put away the dishes this morning I looked at the tall stack of plates I own.

Each was a different plate.

I thought back to the time when I was newly married and had to have matching everything. I even had a cute teddy bear cup/bowl/plate set that ALL MATCHED... I had sugar/flour/cookie jars as well in that theme.I think I own two plates from that set still.

     Looking at my house today, you could not find that matching set person I once was. The "HAD TO HAVE THE BEST OF THE BEST STUFF" person that I use to be. I am not sure where that person came from to be honest. My mother was not that way. We had nice things growing up but we didn't have to have the "BEST OF THE BEST."

      So I found myself thinking about "THINGS" while emptying the dishwasher. What people consider IMPORTANT and what THINGS they value in their life. I started to look at my house... the "THINGS" I have collected through out the almost 22 years of my marriage. Various gifts from others and items that I myself had bought. THINGS I FILLED MY LIFE WITH... WHERE OTHER THINGS WERE NEEDED INSTEAD! Like I was filling a void or a whole in my heart. Not just one... but many... MANY VOIDS... MANY HOLES.... MANY HEARTACHES... I thought... lets get real and name the holes in my heart *life*
      1. The death of my sister: She died when I was 8 years old. My whole world, that I had known up to that point, had changed due to this tragedy. I had lost one of my best friends and my sister. My parents were heavily grieved. My brother wanted nothing to do with. I found myself lost. My happy little family life was gone.
     2. Growing up alone: my brother is many years older than me... he was gone out of the house before I was in 7th grade. IT IS LONELY BEING THE ONLY CHILD! LONELY! Most people would think how is that a hole in your heart? for me... it is. That experience made me the MOM I am today of 8 children. I have a huge family! I planned that one since I was a child. *so in a way... that hole is filled, except nothing can take the place of a relationship with a sibling and that is still something I am working on today*
      3. My Father's Death: I was 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child when my father died of cancer. There is a HUGE void there... So many things I miss about him.... his smell, how he dressed, his way with people, his voice and singing with him, and most of all HIS HUGS! I know he is gone, but I know he is with me even today. I feel him from time to time. I know he is living on and preparing a place for me. I know I will see him again... but it still hurts from time to time when you see other people with thier Fathers and yours is physically no where to be found.

     You know what is funny... I am trying to list these HOLES and I am struggling to find them :) Maybe I am missing something? Because I swear I have holes... I mean we all have holes/heart aches/voids in our lives... why is it when I sit to list them my mind is going blank? (hopefully I have grown enough to think more positively) but the three that I have listed are still there... most likely will always be there. But they have made me the person I am today. Funny how life's trials make us after sometimes breaking us. Funny how we gain strength, knowledge and even comfort from them.

      Reminds me of a scripture... Doctrine and Covenants 122:7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

     And yes, I know ... this is life. Life happens and that many have had worse than what I consider voids/heart aches/holes in my life. But for me, these were hard to over come. So back to the plates and "THINGS" ..... I know NONE OF THE POSSESIONS I OWN will fill those voids. NONE OF THEM WILL OFFER ME PEACE! None of them will heal my heart. Even my Grand Father's Clock that hangs on my wall, as much as I love it, it won't change the fact that tomorrow I might still miss my sister and father.

      It won't change the fact that these things have happened or these voids are still ever present in my life. BUT... I can testify to what has helped me. MY FAITH! Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Being a memeber of this gospel has helped me! My scriptures and my prayers offered up. Going to the temple and being active in church. Striving to live by good and basic gospel principles. The things that I treasure are the people in my life! MY FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS!

     I treasure them! My house can burn down tomorrow... and I would have nothing left of the "THINGS" I possessed... except the GOSPEL and the PEOPLE I TREASURE... and really that is all I need!

     So its ok that my dishes don't match... that my kids get hand me downs instead of new all the time. Its ok that my house isn't featured in some grand magazine showing how its beautifully decorated *which I have no talent there * :) We aren't poor by any means. We are just blessed!

      I am proud of the person I am today. Maybe that sounds vein, but I have worked really hard to become who I am.*this is huge because I didn't always like myself or my life*  I have made my share of mistakes and I will still make mistakes. But I am striving and I am trying to be as christlike as possible.

     I will tell you what is like the many different plates that I own. MY CHILDREN! Each are unique and special in their own way. Each have amazing talents and gifts. EACH have taught me, FAR BETTER THAN EVEN MY PARENTS, *which I never knew was possible* how to be... through their example. People tell me all the time how blessed I am to have such wonderful children. I know I am blessed, but I can not take the credit there. They were given to me and came the way they are :)