The spirit world....

I have often thought of all those I have loved and lost in this world.  What it must be like for them... where they are, what they are doing... what they see. When I was at my daughters high school graduation, I felt so many of my relatives that are on the other side with me. I imagined all the people screaming and shouting for the child graduating... to be all the people who have gone before us.... cheering for us, or welcoming us through the veil.  Not even through the veil... but in life. Praying with us and for us. Being there next to us when we feel so alone.  Cheering us on and participating in our JOYOUS moments. 

I saw many families gathered together at the graduation, in groups. Sitting together prepared to shout and cheer on that one person they came to support.  I felt very over whelmed thinking about all the many UNSEEN people that were there, with those families... ready and able to do the same. My heart felt warm and my spirit felt light and I was thankful for I knew we too were not alone.

My Father died of lung cancer... he promised to always be there for every important event in my children's lives. HE has kept that promise. I have felt him so strongly at the most unexpected moments. That sweet moment of knowing... TRULY KNOWING he was there... he witnessed it... he loved me... he kept his promise.... we are still just as important to him there as we were when he was here. He continues to be with us from time to time and I know he will be around till the day we can be reunited again.

I have always taught my children since they were young that angels are among us and always with us .That some are even family that have gone before.  When my mother came to visit. We talked about many wonderful family stories that were pasted down from generation to generation of just that.  One is of one of my distant relatives who was a nurse and brought babies into the world. Mid wife was her real status. She delivered a thousand and she would go by horse drawn sleigh, in a wagon or on a back of a horse. Some were as close as a farm away and some were over the mountains. One night she was riding over the mountain and a lightning storm came and scared her horse. She swore that she was going to go off the mountain and die... but she looked and saw a MAN grabbing the horse reins and he led the horse back to a safe path.  The thing is... there was NO MAN. We believe it was an angel. She did make it to deliver the child on the other side of the mountain too. 

I know of many sacred experiences I have had that has shown me I am never alone. I feel so sad when I hear or read that someone feels ALONE. Yes this world can be hard at times and lonely even. But I know with all that I am that we are NEVER ALONE. That our Heavenly Father loves us and that we have many angels with us, we just can't always see them or feel them. Just like we can't see air that we breathe, it is there.... so are angels!

When I worry about my Mother leaving me in this life and going on to the next, I get emotional and sad. But I really try to focus on the reunion she will have. The many people who have gone before her and are waiting to embrace her. I can only imagine the beauty of it all. The pain of loosing her children disappearing for forever and holding them in her arms again. Seeing her parents, my father.... and so so many.  I liken that to the day we are with Christ. What joy shall fill my heart! How wonderful it will be to have the veil lifted and all that was forgotten to be remembered.  What a blessing that will be. How great our joy will be and to be able to look around and see each other in a different light than with earthly eyes.  I look forward to that day...so very much for myself.  

I am thankful for knowing of the truth that we are not alone. For knowing and having the gift to see through the veil and for knowing that we are so loved. 

quick catch up.....

                                                                                                    

Kalene graduated from High school... in the top 10 :) So proud of her. She lettered in band too!
My mom has been here visiting for the last 10 days and we have just laughed so much every day and have had fun! I just love having her here. I am going to miss her. She leaves tomorrow.
Virginia comes in tonight to do a quick visit with my mom and us....
 I want to take a family picture with my Mom while she is here but I just haven't found the time yet. I need to so bad! 
My mom has had more fun telling my kids stories from our family. Like....  her great great great grandpa who was a pioneer... settled down in Utah and the crickets came.... They ate all the wheat and destroyed every field that layed in their path. My Great x3 Grandpa had great faith.... went out to his field when they came and told the crickets... HE PAID AN HONEST TITHE, THAT THEY COULD EAT EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE WHEAT HEADS!... The next day came and he went out and said, YOU ARE DONE... LEAVE and THEY DID! LEAVING THE WHEAT HEADS ONLY! :) HE SHARED THE PROFITS WITH ALL THE OTHER NEAR BY FARMERS  :)

We talked about GOGGI, my grandmother who used to peel a zillion apples and we would all sit around and take turns eating each slice she cut.... while talking .... Yesterday Mom , Kalene and I made dehydrated apples and my apple peeler broke so we sat and did it the old fashion way... thinking and talking about GOGGI :) Sure miss my Grandma!

We talked about my sister.... her death... I think I finally have an understanding exactly what happened when she died.... it was hard to talk about it... My mother and I cried like it was yesterday together.... My mother knew exactly when my sisters spirit left her body... the sacred details of that moment she shared with me... is just amazing.... the things my poor sister endured.... the pain my parents suffered... it was a tragedy... but now I know the full story.. the details I have always worried to ask about because I didn't want to hurt my parents.

we have laughed... played card games.... watched movies... gone shopping, baked and made yummy stuff together.... planned future events, discussed and remembered past events... I have loved every moment that we have shared.... and will share till she leaves our car tomorrow to get on a the plane.

I believe she has found her true match and soul mate in my Step Father WAYNE :) I am so thankful he came into her life. She has gone places and done so many wonderful things because of him. She has really lived since he came into her life. Done things I would of never thought she would try. :)
My mother still is one of the most amazing people I know and I love her like a best friend!

A powerful prayer....

  There is a scripture that I refer to often that is a prayer, it is powerful to me, it is beautiful and I find myself feeling every word very deeply by my soul. I not only feel this prayer and understand it great measure, I liken it to all that I am... from me to being a mother. *if that makes sense to you*
   In 2 Nephi chapter 4 verses 28 -35.
28. Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29. DO not anger because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
30. Rejoice, O my heart and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
31. O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
32. May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart  is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gate of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the paths of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
33. O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Will thou make my path straight before me ! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way - but that thou wouldest clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of my enemies.
34. O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35.Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; There fore  I will lift up my voice unto thee; Yea, I will cry unto thee, my God the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock  and mine ever lasting God. AMEN.

That scriptural reference in the Book Of Mormon, just touches my soul. I feel every word of that. I can say that prayer for myself, for my parents, my husband, my children and even my friends and I can liken it unto me and all that I am or someone I love... is going through.

It is beautiful. I find great comfort in these words that were prayed for so long ago and that I find myself praying for today in these latter days.  I know that Heavenly Father wants us to specifically ask for such blessings. He wants us and needs us to desire such things in our lives, in order for us receive all the blessings he has in store for us.  I felt strongly that I should
post about it.  I am so thankful for the scriptures and the guidance that it gives me in my life. I am thankful for the spirit I feel every time I read my scriptures and the closeness I feel to my Heavenly Father.

May we all be praying for this kind of spiritual protection and guidance/blessings in our lives.

a Crazy, Interesting Day.....

Yesterday turned out to be very interesting. What a day! It started Monday night. At my second daughters Honor Chord Ceremony.

I was so proud of her. She is graduating in the TOP 10 % of her class. Her being #5!!! :) I am just floored at my children's intelligence and drive!

 

Anyhow... I am so excited and being the PROUD MOMMA I AM, I send out this huge group text to many close friends and ONE UNCLE. 

Everyone writes back congrats and their wonderful comments of love and support except my Uncle.  Which I didn't think anything of till the next day when I get this text....

it said, "If you text back OK or THANKS and make me look at my phone again I'll kill you in your sleep."

That text was followed by this text, " So your kids are smart. Big deal. I hope you trip and scrape your knee."

So for the first moment after receiving these I was like..hmmm... I must of forgot the time difference and sent him the group text too late. He lives in Maryland... 2 hour time difference.  So I reply to him saying I am sorry I didn't realize what time it was when I sent out my message.  Didn't think anything else of it after that... the second one is my Uncle. He is a joker. He was being silly with me. That is just how he says  CONGRATS... We have an interesting relationship.

So I jump on face book to find that one of my friends *that was on that group text message I sent out * had posted something that said, " SINCE WHEN DID SPAM TEXTING BECOME OK? Especially in such serious light?" (disclaimer, she said something like that can't remember her exact words)

All these people had told her to call the police and report it.

WAIT! It gets better..... So I have blonde want to be moments and YES FOR A SECOND I HAD ONE! I post and say... "WOW I got the same text but had no idea it was spam, I thought it was my Uncle."

SECONDS LATER... my phone rings... it was this friend. She asked if my Uncles number was yada yada... and I reply Yes... she takes the post down from face book and was upset over it. Not just because of what was said but that he said it to me. (I have the worlds best friends!) So I explain to her he is just old and its his way of joking. She said she texted him and got back that it was meant for his DAUGHTER? *the first one about killing* 

I then realized that he hit REPLY ALL to my text and that EVERYONE OF MY FRIENDS GOT THAT MESSAGE!!!!!! YIKES!

I immediately text everyone to ignore that message it was my OLD Uncle who doesn't get texting and he has a silly personality. That it was all a joke.

Well... I guess he got several EAR FULLS by the end of the day.

To make things even funnier... my friend from Jersey didn't see my text. She sees his first text about killing you in your sleep and she CALLS HIM!

She asks, " WHO IS THIS????????" he replies...  She is stunned because his last name is my maiden name and for second she was confused... she then lays into him!  This is what she said...

" HOW DARE YOU TEXT ME SUCH A THREAT! I AM CONSIDERING CALLING THE POLICE ON YOU!!!!!!" His response: " MA'AM, I am so so sorry. I don't know how but so many people got that text and it was meant for my daughter."

My friend's response, " YOUR DAUGHTER? YOU TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER LIKE THAT? WOW! Well I WILL LET THIS GO IF YOU PROMISE TO NEVER TEXT ME AGAIN!"

His response, "I won't I promise, I am going to call Verizon as soon as we get off the phone to figure this out. I am so sorry."

My friend, " WELL THIS SHOULD BE A LESSON TO YOU! YOU SHOULD NEVER TALK TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY YOUR DAUGHTER LIKE THAT!"

the conversation ends... then she sees the second text... freaks out.. .doesn't realize it was from my UNCLE and panics while running around....thinking...."WHO KNOWS MY KIDS ARE SMART?" 

then sees my text... dies laughing almost wets herself from laughing so hard and calls me!

OH MY GOSH! I haven't laughed so hard in my life. I needed that! I feel bad for my Uncle. He is a great guy. I really do love him! He is my very favorite Uncle in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD! His corky little personality always makes me smile and yesterday it gave me a great laugh and several friends a heart attack!

WHAT A DAY!

Jeepers... Creepers....

Are you a Prankster? We sorta are...  AS A FAMILY...we have a silly personality and find great humor in freaking each other out. :) My husband and I have done this since we were dating. It started with little black spiders... which randomly would be found somewhere... on a bed, pillow, soap, in food or our favorite chair. You name it we did it!

So now its a snake... a rubber one :) Here are a few places we have found ours... and Yes... it still freaks us out :)

 In the cupboard where the vitamins and medicine are.....

In a pile of dirty dishes......

In the fridge.....

and on the floor. ... from a distances it looks real!

The floor one really freaked me out one day! Nothing like opening a cupboard and it kinda jumps out at ya... Yes we have fun here... :) SO much.... I am planning under the covers tonight for my husband :) HEE HEE HEE :)

Obedience....

 My husband and I have been asked to team teach on the 29th of this month...  on several topics creamed into one.... Obedience, reading the Book of Mormon and our adoption journey.

 WOW! what a compliment and at the same time.... "ARE THEY SURE THEY WANT US?" 

SO for the past two weeks I have been really focusing on preparing for this lesson.  I have looked up many great talks given by leaders in the church, I have asked for input from special friends I really feel live by these principles and I have done a lot of scriptures reading and praying.  I thought if I put all my thoughts down here, maybe it would help me better prepare? Hopefully to be able to give a half way .. .ok.... decent lesson?  

  so I started making a list of things we are required to obey....
1. the ten commandments
2. paying tithing/ fast offerings
3. living the word of wisdom
4.going to church
5. preparing and going on a mission
6. visit teaching/ home teaching
7.Family Home Evening
8. Going to the temple
9. reading our scriptures
10. Prayer... aka personal, couple and family prayers
11. Keeping and making covenants
12. being Christ like
13. serving others
14. being good parents
15. doing any calling asked of you with in the church
16. following the counsel of the prophets
17.obeying our parents
That was all I could come up with. I am going to ask everyone what they think of and see if we come up with the same things.

Looking at that list may seem overwhelming.  Might seem like too much to ask of a person.  But to me, I think obedience is the key to everything.  It is right up there with the principles of hope and faith.  Many who are not living according to the basic principles of church, who are not members or who are struggling to obey,  might feel that its constricting or limiting their living, like a ball or chain around their neck. Restricting their Freedom... but the truth is... that is what Satan wants us to believe. Loosing your freedom happens when you do not live in obedience to the Lords will.  

WHAT DRIVES US TO BE OBEDIENT?
                                    1. we obey out of  *fear* (one of Satan's tools)
                                   as a child its getting in trouble if we do not obey, as an adult it can be trouble at work or some people are driven to do things out of fear of not making it into HEAVEN, and then there is fear of disappointing people.
                                    2. We obey because we become owners of it.. we become responsible to obey. Its not that you are fearful if you don't... its just a HAVE to be done thing... like dishes, you have to do them to have something to eat on.... its not really something you want to do...its just something you have to do,  so you do it.
                                     3. You want to..... You love the person *Heavenly Father* and you really desire to make him happy.  You desire to serve him. It is truly apart of your physical and spiritual being to do these things and find great joy and peace in doing so.

You could view these different attitudes of obedience as paths to the three different kingdoms.  Personally, I can see myself in all three different attitudes, depending on the day and the task at hand.  But I think its important to ask ourselves ... where are we with our attitude and where do we want to be.  I know where I WANT to be.... but I am still working on it.

Obedience is an attitude. A choice.

Lets look at some of the people in the scriptures and their example of their attitudes. Where do they fit on our scale or number system up above?
   
When I think of obedience and people in the scriptures  and in life, several come to mind....

 Nephi, son of Lehi, was faithful and obedient to God. When given the difficult assignment to obtain the plates of brass from Laban, he did not murmur but declared, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

 

Then there is the beautiful account from the Holy Bible of Abraham and Issac. How extremely difficult it must of been for Abraham to be obedient to God and be willing to take his son's life as an offering.  He immediately turned and prepared right away with no hesitation. I can not imagine how heavy hearted he must of felt as he prepared the wood for fire. I get very emotional just thinking about it and I am thankful for his example. * I am also very thankful he did not have to go through with it!*

There are many obedient servants of the Lord in the scriptures we can pattern our lives after. But

lets not forget  Joseph Smith, how he faced opposition at nearly every step of the way and yet he was always guided by the hand of the Lord and he was obedient to the end.

There are many examples in the scriptures... think of your favorite story and that persons example to you in obedience.

 WHY WERE WE GIVEN SUCH AMAZING EXAMPLES TO FOLLOW?  How do we liken these amazing acts of obedience to our lives? That is the question I am searching out... and YES I am sure it helped that most of these great examples in the scriptures had visitations from angels or heard the Lords voice... *I am sure those experiences might be more convincing to a person to obey, but then again Lamen and Lamuel struggled with obedience and they did see angels. *  Just something to think about.

  I think we are challenged in different ways than the people from scriptural times or even 60 years ago.  WE have a constant noise happening in our lives. From the TV, to media players, cell phones,  computers ... even our little children who bicker with each other or are constantly asking WHY... our schedules are crazy busy from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed. From our jobs to our homes, church callings and friends.  Finding time to meditate or do the simplest things like prayer and scripture study can seem impossible.  Back in the day of Joseph Smith...  I don't think he had an option for meditating.... it was a given.. plenty of quiet time to meditate and easier found places to do so.

I was given the privilege of testing this theory of living obediently out "By ACCIDENT" but it was needed to be able to completely testify of what I know to be true, for myself and to others. One night our family seemed, "TOO BUSY" to do the family scripture study and prayer. My husband and I were wiped. Our day felt long and exhausting and all we wanted was to have everyone go to bed and relax. So we hurried the children up to bed, which backfired... they were upset we didn't do scriptures or prayer. They wanted to but we told them... TOMORROW WE WILL.... They did not go down so easily either. They were up and down for the longest time... they struggled to go to sleep... and so on and so forth... we were frustrated..... our feelings went from tired to frustrated to angry in seconds. The spirit of the Lord was NOT with us for sure... and that feeling went on from that night to the next day. I realized the next day after our day started off on the wrong foot because of  the previous evening. Our children woke up arguing with one another and in horrible moods... before school.. LOVE THOSE MORNINGS.. NOT!!!!! We say our morning prayer and went on our way.. still fighting in the back of the car... so I pulled over and we said another prayer.... things were a little better but it sure told me that not doing ONE NIGHT.. .JUST ONE NIGHT made a huge difference in my children, how they felt, treated each other and even my mood.    

People are not perfect and God doesn't expect us to be perfect he just expects us to try and to do our best.

I can't tell you how many times I have to tell my children day after day.... things like... if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all....  THIS CAN TAKE YEARS till they GET IT... but we continue to try... daily...
I think Heavenly Father is the same way with our obedience list... IT CAN TAKE US A LIFETIME to get it, to do it and to live it. But as long as we are continually striving, that is what counts.


When we live by obedience we can hear the spirit of the Lord whisper to us... we can be directed and guided in our lives.. and no matter how odd of a request or crazy a prompting we may get, we need to be willing to just act upon it and do it.
I am sure Joshua didn't get how blowing his horn while marching around the wall seven times was going to make the walls come  down but the Lord said to do it and he obeyed.. .and the walls CAME A TUMBLING DOWN! :)

We have always known that we were going to adopt a child, since Todd and I dated... but we started to feel the promptings of the Lord that it was time to adopt, three years ago.
So we had a family meeting.... we were about to start the adoption process. We discussed with our children how important it was to be obedient and even more so obedient than ever before... that we felt we needed to live as worthily as possible in order to receive the blessings through the journey we were about to venture. All the children agreed and we all promised to help each other stay on the straight and narrow.  It wasn't easy at first. There were principles that we struggled  to live by ... We hadn't done family home evening with exactness. We had tried but we didn't strive as we should of. We didn't do family prayer as much too. And our new goals were to go to the temple weekly.   ALL THOSE THINGS BECAME APART OF OUR LIVES SO FAST! As each of us strived to support each other in these efforts. *WE WERE ALL ON BOARD WITH THIS* it was amazing to see blessings and to feel the spirit in our home.  Three years ago, that family meeting made our life complete before we ever receive our children through adoption. We had been living with out blessings that we did need. Without the spirit so close and in our home. Doing those three simple things, made our marriage stronger, our children closer and our lives more joyful!

Through out our wait in our adoption journey *waiting to be chosen* we were blessed with feelings of... there was more than one child... and things seemed to open our minds and hearts to other possibilities... all that led us to adopting through the state foster care system instead of the agency we were with.   Through living obediently, we were able to hear the Holy Ghost tell us things like, "Don't buy anything to prepare for the children." That one was hard... I wanted to prepare...set up and honestly we didn't have it financially. With not knowing as well what you would end up with... BOY/GIRL... infant.. toddler... child... I didn't feel ok about spending money we didn't have in the first place but worried how would we get what we needed for the child/children we receive. I would always feel a great peace after praying and giving it to my Heavenly Father... and when the children came.... I got on my knees and told Heavenly Father my concerns. We had already spent our monthly budget with food and had nothing extra for more food or things the children needed. The day after that prayer a friend, who was strongly prompted to help us, came with about $300.00 dollars worth of food. She told us she felt she needed to do this and had extra this month. I was very thankful and emotional for that answered prayer. We didn't have toys.. and I had mentioned that in my prayer.. and again... people that knew us from all over had things and brought them by without me even asking. Giving me toys and clothes that were much needed for the children. I had so much to be thankful for. Heavenly Father heard my prayers... answered them and the people who blessed us heard the promptings of the Holy Ghost.I am thankful for those people living in a way that they too could hear and act upon the promptings of the Holy Ghost! So thankful!

   Living in obedience to the things we knew we should, blessed us as a family. Our children recognized the many blessings as well and today our testimony has only grown stronger because of it all.

 We need to continue to live in obedience to the best of our abilities. I believe that times are getting harder, the world is getting more evil and corrupt. If we are living obediently to the best of our abilities we will be safe and protected. We will be able to hear the promptings of the holy ghost guiding us and our children in our daily lives. There is no better protection than that!

Just a Mom... not a miracle worker...

 Today... I am just a Mom.... someone who gave birth and adopted 8 kids. Some one who said, YEP, I will be there for the snotty noses, throwing ups, fevers and chills. I will be there for the heart breaks, and the joys. I will be there to teach them right from wrong and have patience with the tantrums.
  But today, I feel drained. Like... I have no answers! Where is my manual?!! *seriously... I am serious here... where is it????*

  From a teenager who is trying to find herself.... to realizing SPRING TIME something must of happened to the youngest three... because this has been a month of little sleep... of night mares, of acting out, of angry and not sure why moments and of melt downs.    Today.... I just don't know what else to do to make it all right... and maybe that is the big picture. I can't make it all right. I can only do what I can and hope its good enough.  I can't help my teenager.... I have given her all the great advice, love and support possible... but SHE has to find her way and figure it out for herself.

I can't fix what I have no clue is wrong with my three little ones...what they are feeling. I am sure they don't even understand. I am guessing this is when bio mom left them in the night... and didn't come back. Who knows maybe its worse..... *you wonder... what could be worse than being abandoned and left to fend for yourself*  who knows, but I know that my arms around them, them crawling in bed with me at night and me staying calm while they are raging or screaming... helps. 

But I am drained. Today I just want to cry... because... I CAN'T FIX IT ALL! I can't help them. I feel lost on even how.... I keep praying for direction and help, but I know the answer I keep feeling is.... time.... they have to go through this.... and it is so hard watching them go through this!!!!! It breaks my heart! 

With my son who has been traumatized the most, I wonder... will I be able to help him? Can I really endure all that I am about to go through with him? *envisioning some stuff here*  The UNKNOWN really scares me.  I don't want to make mistakes or screw these kids up more. 
 

    So I felt the need to share my emotions.... I have so many thoughts running through my head. I need to just get on my knees and feel my Heavenly Fathers arms around me telling me to continue on... that I am doing well..because right now,  I question it...  I am trying... I really am...  but I wish I was a miracle worker! REALLY WISH FOR THAT SUPER POWER RIGHT ABOUT NOW!