Trying to become Christ-like

 I have been making and trying to keep goals recently that I have made for myself. One of them was to become more Christ-like. I planned on doing this by using the scripture about Love... what love is and reminding myself what love isn't.  I have been using this with my children as well, when I have teaching moments. If they do something unkind, I ask them, "Is this love? is this what love looks like? What could you have done that would of been loving like Jesus?" I am excited to say just using LOVE as my teaching moment, has calmed my anger when I am upset with my children's choices. That alone has to have made a huge difference in teaching them. I feel more like a loving parent too.

One thing lately I have done was tried to think of a person being right there with me, able to hear whatever I said about them, WHO EVER THAT PERSON IS THAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT.  I imagine would my words hurt them? Would it be considered gossip?
Surprisingly, I found myself stopping myself twice this week so far from saying something about someone I cared about.  I have been so impressed with this goal, I am going to continue with it. It has made profound changes in me. I can see myself starting to THINK before I speak and to actually stop thinking in a way that would not be Christ-like in the first place....
Which is the key, OUR THOUGHTS TURN INTO OUR WORDS AND ACTIONS... and I do not want to be like that towards anyone.

I have thought a lot about the Lord coming soon.... How close we could possibly be to his beautiful entrance into this world. And how unprepared I am. I don't want to be caught off guard or unprepared. I want to be able to stand at his mercy feet and I want to be blessed enough to hear him call my name and reach for me. I want to be able to look into his eyes without shame or guilt and know I am worthy to do so.

I have a lot of work ahead of myself, but it is so exciting to see these small changes I have tried so hard to make.  Each goal and step of effort is bringing me closer to my Savior and the woman I want to say I have become. The example I want to be to my children. 

I just had to share this moment. I was impressed to do so.   Hope everyone is having a grand week!

Getting it together :)

 I have a lot that I want to do.... lists of things that need to be done around my house... lists!  We held a special family counsel last night at dinner. We talked to the kids how we feel like we need help doing things and that they could contribute more. They agreed :) WHEW!!!!!!!
SO we are going to have family counsel every Sunday at dinner.  Discuss what needs to be done that week or what we all can help work on.
This week...its getting Jesse to learn to ride his bike. Because I am out of shape and Todd gets home so late, we have asked the kids to help me. I can run with him while he peddles for only so long and because I am out of shape will need to take turns with someone. They agreed to help me :) SO HAPPY! AND THANKFUL!!!
The other thing we are going to focus on is DRIVING! We have to get Kalene to get her license.. She is working now and if she could just drive herself that would be ONE LESS place I would have to go or do. Plus I could use her help in errands and such. Cally is learning as well but Kalene only has till SEPT. 1st to get hers done because she is already 18. Cally has a years permit.

All this trying to get our family working as one has me thinking about things I want to accomplish. Like... I need to grout my tile in my kitchen SO BAD!!!!! and I need to re due it on my counters as well.... so I need to learn that.

I want to get a spiritual schedule up for me... where I make time to read articles out of the Ensign and write letters and in my journal and ready my scriptures, not just read but study.

I want to have Romance in my marriage. I love my husband but his ideas and mine are very different. I don't read smut books so its up to me fulfil this in my life and so I SHALL! I am going to start doing something creative with my man, that I consider ROMANTIC :) kinda excited to get my creative on!

I need to continue to keep my SPECIAL TIME with my kids going now more than ever because school started and they will need that one on one talking time :)

I want to exercise....

I want to start cleaning better. I want a home that is really clean looking and is  :) So I have to make schedule for myself :)

I am always happier when I have a plan... and goals. SO these are they for now :)

What I need to do....

I need to just count my blessings. I woke with all this anxiety this morning..... all the worries that I can't share with anyone.... all the things that have me upset inside...
I said about a 2 hour long prayer this morning. I AM NOT LIEING! I didn't feel different... I think God got an ear ful for sure.... I ran errands this morning and felt more anxiety..... more upset when I let my mind ponder on the things that are upsetting me at this time.

I have searched today for answers... what to do, how to feel, how to let it all go.... how to move forward... how to trust in certain things, people and God. 

As I am reading all these SO HAPPY GO LUCKY BLOGS out there, I just told myself.... count your blessings..
So I am going to do that right now and try to focus on that.


#1 Blessing,  I am thankful for urologist... they can help my son, even though he may suffer all his life with stones and kidney issues... *which worries me* he will have a doctor to help us through it all.

#2, For the priesthood. I am thankful for the Priesthood and the power that I know blesses us through blessings of healing. I know I need one right now too!

#3 I am thankful for always making all our bills, and having enough for a little extra... I am so thankful for that while I sit and watch and cry with my friends who are so struggling to just find a job and eat. I am thankful I have been blessed with enough to share with my friends struggling and to still be able to help my daughter and her husband.

#4 I am thankful for my calling. It does stretch me and make me go the extra mile.

#5 I am thankful that my Mother is still around. I just can't imagine life without her!

#6 I am thankful my husband has a job

#7 I am thankful .. SO VERY THANKFUL for the vacation our family just took. We so needed it! *UNDERSTATEMENT*

#8 I am thankful for all our health.... especially my husbands and childrens

#9 I am thankful for my pets, they love me and ask for nothing in return!

ITs a start... I am sure the list can go on but for now I will end it there.... I feel a little better. I just have to focus on the positive....

Personal Conflict

Ever feel like you wish you could talk to someone about something your going through but feel that no one would really get you or understand or even care? That you would be judged. You know all the things that usually brings insecurity.

I am going through something.... a real trial for me.  I am usually a person who wears her heart out on her sleeve and says it like it is... what I think and feel, but lately I am finding myself being cautious. I feel like I can't talk like I use to. I don't know if its wisdom or old age or what...but I have this thing I am going through. A really personal thing... no one in my family knows about it. My husband doesn't really know about it. My children for sure don't know about it. I don't feel like I can really share it with anyone too.  It kinda pains me that I feel like there isn't ONE PERSON I can share it with. 
Everyone needs someone to vent to or to share life's ups and downs with.

I have looked at my life and I have seen who are my true friends and who really aren't that I thought were.  The one I probably could share it with, she is going through too much right now to be burdened down by my stuff.

I am hurting inside.... and even though I know the answer is give it to God.. and I know I will because I feel like i have no where else to turn to.... I know it won't be the same or feel same as sharing it with someone, that is tangible.

Just needed a safe place to write that right now... I am hurting inside... and NO ONE knows... no one will see it in my face or hear it from my lips.

Several times I felt like just saying TYPE IT on Face book and see who repsonds.. but really... that isn't the place.... this could be turned into so much more than it is... and it could also be shuffled under the rug which isn't good either because to me... it is something. Whether others would get what I am thinking/ feeling doesn't matter. I am and so I can't deny it.

The question is... how do I deal with it? How would I make it better?  I know some of the answers to that questions but it doesn't mean that it will be easy.  The part that won't be easy is me feeling ok about it. 

Sometimes... I truly do wish that Jesus would just come... sometimes I feel like this life is too much... to hard.. .too painful. Too lonely.   I think of how great it will be when he comes and takes away all the evil in this life.... and chains them. How great it would be to live a life of peace.... happiness ... no temptations, no evil... no bad in the world.  It will be truly a heaven on earth. I think sometimes, I would love that right now.....   Then I wouldn't have to watch my children hurt... or struggle.. I wouldn't have to hurt or struggle... and ALL my family and I would be together again... how I long for that!

Anyhow.... I wrote this because I needed to.  I will be fine. This too shall pass, just until it does... I will have to deal.     So I shall. There was  a saying that I liked on Fb the other day... it said, “The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her; but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.” ― C. JoyBell C                    right now.... I need to remember that!