A new blog

I have decided to go to my other blog and write from there. If you would like to follow me... go to.....
http://familyjourneyintoeternity.blogspot.com/
 I love the look of that blog better and I just feel like ONE BLOG is plenty to keep up for me :) hope to see ya there... I love comments so feel free to leave some :) Thanks :)

The Lord has been preparing me....

 Wow.... has the Lord been preparing me again... Once again putting thoughts into my head about a child of mine, who isn't a child anymore....  I can't exactly share yet.... still waiting for her to realize what I already know.
But I wanted to take a moment to say.... The Lord does know me, he knows I need help and preparation and he has been doing that. I am thankful for that. So very thankful.  I know that what will be will be hard for me and a blessing all together.    We will be fasting and praying that she finds out what she feels she must do.   I could be wrong.... but I am pretty sure that I have been prepared... and that is all I can say until more is allowed.

Do you love me?

This weekend was General Conference. I loved it. There were very powerful talks given, many touching my heart and lifting my spirits.  One talk by Elder Jeffrey Holland really moved me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I cried through his whole talk.  It was about our Savior and how much do we love him? It can be watched here http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2012/10?lang=eng&vid=1884811466001&cid=9

Some of the questions he shared were as if he was Jesus saying to all of us, " DO YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN ALL OF THIS?"  *all of whatever else we may put before him..... our movies, books, video games, shopping... the list is long and for me... I can add food. *

DID NOT MY LIFE AND LOVE TOUCH YOU MORE THAN THIS? *as if Jesus were asking*  more than all the other things we choose to put into our lives to take up our time and energy.

Elder Holland then gave me more to think about...  Come judgement day, when I am blessed to meet with Christ face to face and he asks me..."DO YOU LOVE ME?"  will I be able to stand there and  say with a clear conscience. YES, OH YES MY LORD, I LOVE THEE SO VERY MUCH! *by what I did with my life... how I served others and shared the gospel. How I tried to live as Christlike as possible.

 It has been the question I am now asking myself every time I make a decision.  I say to myself, " Will this show Jesus that I love him?"   I want to make it one of our families new family motto's.   I want them to think every time they go to act or choose to do something.... "will this show that I love Jesus?" 

 I have  a lot of work to do...  to be able to say I have done all I could. I mentioned food above because I think if I feed my body things that are not healthy that I am not showing Him how much I love him. I was given this great blessing of a body.  How can I treat it so badly ? It is my personal temple. Like the temple I attend I would not dare enter in unworthily and this is how I must think about my body as well.

When I don't make time to connect with the Lord daily I am not showing HIM I love him. I want to show him, I want to be able to kneel at his feet and thank him for this life and look into his eyes and without him having to ask me... "DO YOU LOVE ME"  have him just respond with, " THOU GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT, WELCOME HOME"  I want him to know it... to not even need to ask it. I want to help others and serve others more. I want to teach it to my children.  I am now praying for help with this.... asking the Lord to guide me to opportunities to be able to do just that.

My husband did point out something that gave me great comfort. He said, " You already are serving... your family."  That meant a great deal to me, for him to not only recognize it but to point it out to me, because sometimes I feel like what I do is just my job, but indeed... Mothers everywhere do serve their families and loved ones constantly :) 



I am excited to think of new goals to make for myself and with my family that will be orientated about Christ and serving him.

Thank you HEIDI!

                           A  week ago we *the healthy challenge group and I*  were challenged by our nutritionist Heidi, to not get on our computers more than twice a day.  Well...that challenge wasn't as hard as it could of been for me, because my computer broke.... *not completely but it wouldn't connect to the Internet and we don't have the money to have someone check it out.*

So...... I have a tablet. which is way smaller and sometimes frustrating for me to use and I have my husbands laptop, which I do not like. So this challenge was easier for me.  I wanted to get on, but couldn't. It kinda took the challenge part out of my hands and made it a "THIS IS HOW IT IS " thing for me.    After some time now, I have realized  I am doing more.  I will be honest, I didn't think I was spending a lot of time on the computer, but looking back now.... I think I spent the majority of my day there.  Crazy! How did I spend so much time on there?  

 I want to say THANK YOU HEIDI and thank you to God that my computer broke. Heidi made a comment to me after it happened that it might be a blessing in disguise. Oh was I upset at first with her for saying that.  "RIGHT A BLESSING???? HELLO!

 Yes it has been a great blessing. A  HUGE BLESSING! I am getting more done around the house that I was neglecting, I am spending more time with my family and children than I did.

 

 I am not so FUZZY in the brain, which sounds weird, but.... I got to where I wasn't really listening to my children and only heard little bits and pieces, focusing was harder.  I am starting to wonder if all that inactivity were some of the reasons?  

Either way, I am thankful for not being on the computer as much. I have felt better, HAPPIER because I have been more productive.  HAPPIER! did you see that one? Who knew! :)



I have made an exercise room over the weekend and painted a wall I have wanted to paint for a while. :)  It feels good. So good, that I told my husband, I feel like I have shut the world out! It FEELS GOOD!   I am not missing out on anything like I thought I would be. People who are really in my life are IN MY LIFE! Calling me, coming over and connecting with me the old fashion way.  That is how its suppose to be. I know when we get our computer fixed, I want to stick to the rule of no more than twice a day. I might even only do it once in a while or once a day :)  I am filling my life up with things that matter... LIKE MY CHILDREN!

 MY FRIENDS! THE GOSPEL :)   It feels good to feel like I am back to me or my old self... a part of me that has been missing for a while. This one challenge has really helped me and changed me for the better. THANK YOU THANK YOU AGAIN HEIDI! I have needed this OLD ME BACK :)

The good old days

  I have thought alot about my ancestors... how they did their day to day things that they had to do in order survive. In order to eat daily. I am starting to think I need to prepare for that day to come again. Do I sound like a nut? Well I believe that things are going to get harder not easier in the near future. I believe that some of us won't be able to afford gas, or heat... forget air conditioning. I believe we will be living under very different circumstances.  I believe our government is going to fall so badly that we will all be left to survive, just like our ancestors did once.
  So I have decided to try to make everything from scratch, better organize my time with my chores, children and exercise. I am thinking everything from scratch has to taste better, will be healthier for us. I want to make mistakes now not when its really important and I need to know how then. I want to see if I can incorporate my children into helping. 
Anyhow.... I have been sick... I have a sore throat that I am praying won't turn into strep. I haven't had much energy to physically do anything but I do have a lot of time to think and these were the thoughts that ran thru my head... along with a huge list of supplies I want to start collecting for such events.  Candles, oil for lamps, food, water, batteries, flash lights, animal food. You name it. We started our food storage a while back, I would say I have maybe 5 to 6 months worth of food for our family of 11. That is a lot of food, but I want to continue my progress till I feel confident I have a years worth :)   
   Food storage, water storage and ways to cook without power has been on my mind strong.  I have even thought about adding diapers and wipes to my pile because I have a grand baby coming.  I want to always have everything my family *children* need even after they are married. We will survive way better in hard times if we all come together and work together :) Its my hope my home is every one's safe haven :)
    I know that my ancestors were physically stronger than I am. Its my goal to become stronger, to work even harder every day so that I FALL into my bed at night. I am not trying to focus on weight...just getting healthy :)

Mind over Matter

I woke up this morning and found myself comforted by this  song......
Where Can I Turn for Peace...       Which is appropriate right now for me.  I have some things going on in my life that I am not going to share at this moment, because I am still trying to figure them all out.  

Satan sure knows me.... he knows how to play my thoughts... I have heard that we are our own worst enemy. Meaning, I am my worst enemy and you are yours. We say things to ourselves, that hopefully no one has ever said to our face or thought about us.    I have found my thoughts running rampid since I have so much on my mind lately... some of them are really not good for me. 

That is when I found myself praying, or talking to God.  And this song came into my head.... the words brought me comfort.

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace? When other sources cease to make me whole? When with a wounded heart, anger or malice, I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

Where. when my aching grows, Where, when I languish, Where, in my need to know, where can I run? Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish? Who, who can understand? He, only ONE.
He answers privately, Reaches my reaching, In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend. Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching. Constant he is and kind, Love without end.

I love music. It always lifts me and touches me. I wish I had the gift to write such a beautiful song. I am so thankful that someone did!

We taught our children last night at family home evening, through a story in the Friend Magazine, that if you hear someone saying bad words, sing a song in your head from church. I think its great that I found that same thought pattern when I found myself talking negatively to myself.  It started out as me venting to the Lord, telling him all my worries and upsets.... which then turned into self inflicting thoughts of turmoil.... then the words of this song, swooped in my mind and it all went away.  I felt peace... I felt comfort, I felt loved and well again.



Mind over matter is a lot of it I guess. With any situation we all have a certain amount we can contribute and control.  I took that control and gave it all to the Lord.  I think I might have to try singing lyrics of church hymns more often. I might find my thoughts and spirits are lifted more :)

Wrap my head around it all.....

So I have this goal * challenge* ahead of me. To become healthier. To give up all that does not belong in my body that isn't good for it. To exercise daily. To not give up and to become a better me.  As I have been processing all of this.... my efforts and failures, I have always seen myself find ways to give up... or to stop myself from achieving this ONE VERY IMPORTANT GOAL!  When I think about it, there has always been some great excuse for me to NOT START or to stop for a bit.... from holidays, to family/friend get togethers....  the question I am contemplating today isn't what is my excuse right now? because I have several that would make anyone say OH THAT IS A GOOD REASON..... my question is... WHY DO I ALLOW THESE EXCUSES TO STOP ME?  
 the answers I have come up with are...
                1. its easier to do.
                 2. less to do or plan/brainless
                  3. its familiar
                    4. its always an option

So then I need to look at each one of those excuses and say... WHAT?????????  The funny thing is... I have always thought of myself as a LOVE THE CHALLENGE GIRL! Where did she go? What happened to her? In the past I felt alive when I got a challenge to hit head on and I felt alive when I ACCOMPLISHED ONE! When did the lazy, tired woman who gave up so easily come into play?  And why haven't I kicked her butt to the curb?  I guess I feel ANGRY!  With myself.... how could I let myself  DOWN like this?  Why do I resort back to 1,2,3, or 4 as my excuses? When am I going to get it and say ENOUGH????
     
I am hoping that its today. That this emotional turmoil I cause myself is just a hiccup in the road and I can wrap my head around it all and see before me CLEARLY again.   I can be the best cheer leader for everyone else... but not myself?  I can be the motivator for everyone else but me?  that is just messed up!

So here is my counter answers to the numbers above.  ITS NOT EASIER, maybe for that moment, but then I have to deal with the after math of my body going bonkers cause I just did something it was trying to avoid...   Less to do? really? So if I don't eat healthy I don't have to plan my family meals? WRONG! I am still planning so I might as well plan healthy!   Its familiar...... well, yes it is... however I have found it exciting making and trying new meals... I have found comfort in feeling like BETTY CROCKER doing it healthy style... like I have accomplished something... so why not make the new stuff familiar?  better yet... Why not make it HABIT and NATURAL! :)  and the 4th was its always an option..... WHY IS THAT ALWAYS AN OPTION? I need to find other options.  I have a group of other ladies who are going through this too.. I need to rely on them or my husband or a friend. If none of them are available.... why can't I just get  my sorry butt off the chair and get away?  what is stopping me? 

I am not waiting till tomorrow to start this. I am starting this now....  I use to say "oh well theres always tomorrow to start fresh..." No, that isn't working.... years of TOMORROWS led me to where I am now... it has to start right now with the next thing I put into my mouth!  I did mess up this morning. I had an emotional break down and I messed up... but that shouldn't be an end all of all! It was a bump.... a minor pot hole in the road that I didn't avoid and now...I am avoiding the rest!   



I know I must sound so psychotic... but... I have to be real with me. I have to heal me from the inside out and to heal me, to fix all of this... I have to be honest with myself and look at the bigger picture.   I don't want to obsess over my next meal or think about food.... I want obsess about life...living. Being in the moment now with whom ever I am with.  I don't want to look at myself in the mirror like this... without seeing changes in my body. I don't want to walk back wards, only FORWARDS!  I failed this morning... HOORAY because now I can learn from it... go through it and move FORWARD!  God gave me emotions to feel. I need to learn to express them and that it is OK TO CRY instead of shoving food down my throat. ITS OK to be upset.... as long as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He did not make me to not feel anything... So, on with the journey... I had a great cry.. I feel better and now... I am getting on with my day!